This year started with me feeling all optimistic on the new year's eve. But life, as we know it was never easy.
My daily routine didnt change much.. But its sort of like, although the time span is just a tad bit longer, the work i have to do is just twice as much. So it is still very tiring. You see, I was appointed as the Monitor of my class and, my class happens to be the tallest building in MGS and I probably have like 4 trips up and down the class in order to get my job done and 4x2 = 8.. Get the picture now? .
To be honest, I wasn't really happy to be appointed as the Monitor because being a Monitor was never easy, the job never ends. not to mention, how much people look down on us when prefects and librarians are being looked up to. It's sad, really. But, I still accept it. You know why?...hm, lets look it this way, if I were to be all selfish and not want to settle down and take the responsibilities to lead and complete a task, who would? Since at that moment, nobody wants to volunteer and so happen my friend nominate me and so happens majority agreed. I guess, this is like my contribution to the school? I mean, I don't want to be doing nothing and I don't want to live my life not giving back when I obviously can. But then, it will always hurt me. You know.. like how some people really really don't see my effort. I can accept it when teacher blames me for things even when its not entirely my fault or when I have so many homework to do but they want me to help them but they didn't even thank me or when they stand infront of the class and tell my classmates imnot doing my job right. I can still accept it. But what I can't accept is when my own classmates do that. When they refuse to understand how I want to get things done fast because I, myself also has my own work to do and they dont realize how selfish they can get when they make me wait for them. And when I usher them to get their things done, they look at me. you know, those its-your-fucking-job-so-deal-with-it-look? yeah. that look. Also, some of them finds me annoying cause im always telling them this and that. And then some of them, troubles me and they wont even say sorry. Instead, they are so rude and act like im being all annoying on them. Hm, I know we're not suppose to take everything so seriously but i really think people are taking my effort for granted for way too much already. Just because Im used to it, it doesn't mean that Im okay with it. How can some people be so selfish and ignorant?
Hm. well, thats how people treat me. Well I dont know if it is really that bad or I am just way too sensitive nowadays..But I guess its both of them mixed together.
Now, how have I been treating myself lately? Well, well glad to say that in certain aspects, ive been treating me better. But then, theres also some aspect that is not so nice. er.. yeah.
uhm, nowadays, other than i feel like ive been taken for granted, I also feel stupid and oftenly, LOST. Addmaths and Physics are the main reason why. I dont know, Im just so paranoid with these 2 subjects. Its hell for me. I feel so stupid because if this two. It feels so bad.
I guess I have lost a part of me. Its getting so scary and lonely.
And i think the lost part is a good part. cause oftenly I have been having a series of a very crazily rough day where I would not talk much and I could barely smile and that makes people around me feel scared hahaha. seriously. cause, you know, usually, even when i just had a bad night the night before, I would wake up and be okay the next day but its not like that anymore. Its as if I dont bother to please people with my smiles and cover it up with being hyper anymore. But even that , my bad mood won't last that long. I mean, it is repetitive but, its definitely not persistent. But at least I dont lash it out on others. I came up with the 5 second answering rules. will explain about it in my next post! :p But i know, that things will get better by April. Debates , and perbahasan practices will start by then and its always my favorite time of the year in school. so for now, this girl will have to bear it all. Endure all of this uncessary pressures and stress. Just because it burns, it doesnt mean im going to die. right? Amin.
Xoxo.
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