Im so unlucky nowadays. keep loosing my stuffs. haih. Why do people steal? Its so low  of a person to steal. 

and I wish im 1000 ringgit richer. hahaha.

Turns out my stars are still out of its line. 

Bye,

We all sin differently.

A few days a go my deskmate who happened to be my super duper close friend  asked me 'eh, actually malay people cannot couple one right?' hm.. I answered yes. And thats how we end up exchanging views and opinions on religion. Glad that we're both on the same page.

Basically, our idea of religion is, that it's home. Its important for a person to have a home and for them to keep faith. I believe in religion. I really do. I might not be perfect in it... oh well, who am i kidding im no where near average as a Muslim. But, I know one day I will be a better Muslim.

  And ofcourse, when I say I believe in Islam, some people will be like 'Oh yeah? really, then why aren't you wearing hijjab?' and stuffs like that. But to me, religion is not a form of subjugation or discrimination. We all sin differently. Islam is not just about wearing hijjab. To me Its about faith, compassion, love , respect and acceptance. So, i might be missing a few elements in it but who are you to judge? who are you to say Im sinning more just because im not wearing scarfs? As I say, we all sin differently. Example, I might not wear hijjab but I am more compassionate and loving towards God's creature, like cats and dogs. But the girl who wore Hijjab is mean towards them. Next, I might do some community work but the hijjab girl doesnt.... But then again, I didnt wear hijjab. she did.. so? Now, who sins more?..hm...you don't know. right? I mean, thats just an easy example, ofcourse it doesnt actually REALLY what happened. I substitute teh actions done so that it would be simpler, so that you people may get the idea and see from my perspective.

And no offence but certain rules are irrelevant to the world where we live in today. The world where we dont live in our own 'groups' anymore. And honestly there are times when I question my religion but then, when it comes to religion The more I know, the more I dont know. so its better to not think of it so much and just accept it as something good. Because i believe all religion teaches us the be the best us we can be. So, when I scroll through tumblr and i see a bunch of Islamophobic posts, I feel very sad for them. Why? because they're so blinded. They can't differentiate simple things like religion is not bad, it is HUMAN that leads it to the wrong path. And then people stereotype Islam as a religion that encourages violence.  And I always remind myself to keep my faith in my religion in my heart first before i try to portray it outside. I mean, from young I've been thought to look at religion this way, and that way but now, Im a little bit older, that i can think, i chose this path. but then...Insya-Allah, one day when the time comes, I will try to be a better Muslim. hehe. Hey, at least i have the nawaitu to do so.. right? Thats what most important. Thats what keeps us on track..And I really dont appreciate it when people try to decide who is sinning and who is not. If you say you're religious, you should not be doing that. cause as we know, things like these is only for God to judge and not a normal man that also sins. seriously, if you're one of them, let me ask you, who do you think you are? Lets be realistic and admit that everyone sins differently.

And if you dont believe in religion and God, I have only one advice...heeheehe. Look at it this way, If God exists and you  believe in Him, you're somehow quite safe, and if He dont exists, at least you have a good home and faith to get back to in life. But if He DO exists and you're not believing in him, you're fucked later on! hehe.

I guess thats all, for the time being. If I were to carry on bout my ideas on religion, this post might be twice as long and no one would even read. hehehe. Till then, Xoxo.

Twenty Thirteen. Lonely start.

This year started with me feeling all optimistic on the new year's eve. But life, as we know it was never easy.

My daily routine didnt change much.. But its sort of like, although the time span is just a tad bit longer, the work i have to do is just twice as much. So it is still very tiring. You see, I was appointed as the Monitor of my class and, my class happens to be the tallest building in MGS and I probably have like 4 trips up and down the class in order to get my job done and 4x2 = 8.. Get the picture now? . 

To be honest, I wasn't really happy to be appointed as the Monitor because being a Monitor was never easy, the job never ends. not to mention, how much people look down on us when prefects and librarians are being looked up to. It's sad, really.  But, I still accept it. You know why?...hm, lets look it this way, if I were to be all selfish and not want to settle down and take the responsibilities to lead and complete a task, who would? Since at that moment, nobody wants to volunteer and so happen my friend nominate me and so happens majority agreed. I guess, this is like my contribution to the school? I mean, I don't want to be doing nothing and I don't want to live my life not giving back when I obviously can. But then, it will always hurt me. You know.. like how some people really really don't see my effort. I can accept it when teacher blames me for things even when its not entirely my fault or when I have so many homework to do but they want me to help them but they didn't even thank me or when they stand infront of the class and tell my classmates imnot doing my job right. I can still accept it. But what I can't accept is when my own classmates do that. When they refuse to understand how I want to get things done fast because I, myself also has my own work to do and they dont realize how selfish they can get when they make me wait for them. And when I usher them to get their things done, they look at me. you know, those its-your-fucking-job-so-deal-with-it-look? yeah. that look. Also, some of them finds me annoying cause im always telling them this and that. And then some of them, troubles me and they wont even say sorry. Instead, they are so rude and act like im being all annoying on them. Hm, I know we're not suppose to take everything so seriously but i really think people are taking my effort for granted for way too much already. Just because Im used to it, it doesn't mean that Im okay with it. How can some people be so selfish and ignorant?

Hm. well, thats how people treat me. Well I dont know if it is really that bad or I am just way too sensitive nowadays..But I guess its both of them mixed together. 

Now, how have I been treating myself lately? Well, well glad to say that in certain aspects, ive been treating me better. But then, theres also some aspect that is not so nice. er.. yeah.

uhm, nowadays, other than i feel like ive been taken for granted, I also feel stupid and oftenly, LOST. Addmaths and Physics are the main reason why. I dont know, Im just so paranoid with these 2 subjects. Its hell for me. I feel so stupid because if this two. It feels so bad. 

I guess I have lost a part of me. Its getting so scary and lonely.

And i think the lost part is a good part. cause oftenly I have been having a series of a very crazily rough day where I would not talk much and I could barely smile and that makes people around me feel scared hahaha. seriously. cause, you know, usually, even when i just had a bad night the night before, I would wake up and be okay the next day but its not like that anymore. Its as if I dont bother to please people with my smiles and cover it up with being hyper anymore. But even that , my bad mood won't last that long. I mean, it  is repetitive but, its definitely not persistent. But at least I dont lash it out on others. I came up with the 5 second answering rules. will explain about it in my next post! :p But i know, that things will get better by April. Debates , and perbahasan practices will start by then and its always my favorite time of the year in school. so for now, this girl will have to bear it all. Endure all of this uncessary pressures and stress. Just because it burns, it doesnt mean im going to die. right? Amin.

Xoxo.